Feeling ill

I have been feeling so sick for the past few months and I wish I could figure out why. It is so frustrating feeling awful and not having any answers as to why, and being uninsured is not helping. I get so frustrating because I never feel well and it seems like everyone thinks I take it out on them, and I dont mean to. I love my friends and family and I never intend to hurt them in any way. I know that things will happen when they are supposed to so I am being as patient as I can and I know things will get figured out.

Friends & Family

I have the greatest friends and family in the world and I love them so much. I am so lucky to know each and every one of them. They all play such a special part in my growing as a person. I feel I dont let them know I appreciate them enough and I feel bad for that. If it werent for them I would not be who I am today.

Life has been so crazy lately. I have been searching for a part time job and cant seem to find anything. So frustrating, but I was told by a friend recently that maybe I am not finding one because it is not my time right now. They are so right. I know that when it is right, I will be able to find something. I am so thankful that I have been able to stay home and raise my son myself instead of having everyone else do it for me like I was a few years back when I had no choice but to work. Life is great and I am so happy right now.

Immature people

So I have this person in my life who thinks its okay to talk down on a family member of mine, for all to see. I got offended and went to this person about it and they just brushed me off like it was nothing. Im sorry but I will forever defend my family members when it is needed. They say that they get along really well with my family member but yet they bash them when they cant defend themselves? I dont think so!! Anyway, I just had to vent for a minute so there ya go.

My husband is my rock

I absolutely have the best husband in the entire world. He truly loves me unconditionaly. I couldnt ask for anything more. We are so lucky to have the kind of relationship that we talk about everything. We may argue a bit but at the end of the day, we still love one another and go to bed happy, most of the time. He helps me through so much in my life and am so grateful to him for all he does for me on a daily basis. I dont know what I would do without him. He helps talk me through any issue I may be having with my own self or just anything in general. I am one lucky lady to have been the one he chose to marry. I know I take him for granted sometimes and I dont mean to. I need to work on thanking him more for all that he does for our son and I.

Fun with the best friend and her family

Today (5/25/12) was an amazing day. I spent the day baking goodies with my best friend for a back sale we are having tomorrow to support Relay For Life. I am so excited to be a part of this cause. It is so near and dear to my heart and has been for many years. Life is so wonderful right now. My husband has an awesome job that he loves, Cadon is being the great nine year old that he knows he can be. He loves to go down the street and play with his awesome friend Adam, whenever he can. Those two are so fun to watch together.
My son was invited to go to the relay for life marathon with Amber and her family on the 1st of June. He came home the next day, so beat and sunburnt. He walked/ran 42 laps around the track while he was there. I am so proud of him for doing that. I would have loved to go myself but I wasnt part of a team. But everyone was in my heart and thoughts for those two days. What a great cause that we all can be a part of. Sorry this took so long to post. I got so busy.

Friends

My friends are so amazing and wonderful! I am so very blessed to have those in my life that I do. I love that I can talk to them and not be judged and that I will have an ear that will always listen to what I have to say.
Bruce, if you are reading this, I want to thank you for your strong spirit and loving personality. I love your family so much and I am so blessed to know you all!
Amber, You came back in my life when I needed a friend that was close. You help me everyday, even if you dont know it. Your family is so amazing and We are so lucky to be able to be your friends and to hang out with you.
I have so many friends I could list but it would take a long time. Just know I love you all and you are never to far from my mind.
I have lost a few friends through the years and I am trying to make things right with them, even if we dont become friends again. I just dont want to have that burden on my shoulders knowing that I could have done something to fix things and didnt take that chance. We all learn and grow on a daily basis. We need to take what we know and learn and help better the lives of those around us.

Life Changes

So, lately I have been trying to make so very needed changes in my life. The process is coming slow but things are getting better. I find myself less depressed, although depression still haunts me, and I am being more of the mother and wife that I need to be for the two main men in my life. I have been trying to work on myself, spiritually and that is coming so difficult for me. Satan sure tries to grab ahold of me harder than I ever thought he would. Some days, I feel like I want to give up, but I know where my heart is and what I want for my family. I am struggling with something personal and would love to talk to someone about it, I just dont know who I can trust wholeheartedly that will listen and give me guidence that I need. I know what you are all thinking and going to say, but Im sorry that just is not an option. I guess I will just continue to pray and to stay on the right path myself. I know that I will be blessed for that. I dont know if she will be reading this but I have to send a shout out to and thank, Tara Contreras. I dont know you that well, but I do know that my life is so blessed because of you. Thank you for your sweet and strong spirit. You lift me in ways I could never explain. You know they say, there is a reason and a season for certain things to come into your life.
I know I mention my husband in all my posts but I am so very blessed to have him in my life. He is my rock and one of the two people that keep me going every day. I couldnt imagine a better man in my life than him. He truly is the best. Cadon is such a blessing as well, as doctors told me my entire childhood that I would never be able to bare children. He is such a miracle child. I know I take them both for granted at times and that makes me feel aweful! though I can not have anymore kids, I am so lucky and blessed to have Cadon. He struggles with ADHD and it is hard on all of us. I am learning every day how to be able to help him. I know that will be a lifelong process but I have learned that being upset about it or frustrated, does not change the fact that he has it, so I am concentrating more on ways I can help him. It kills me that he gets so frustrated about it. I know it is harder for him to handle than it is me as he is the one that is having to truly "live" with it. He knows he has it and he can tell at school that he has it, it is just hard for him to find ways to help himself. Working with his teacher has been such a blessing this year. She is so amazing and I love her. She handles things a lot better than his teacher last year and I can totally see a change in Cadon and his attitude towards school.
I am so blessed with so many things in my life, I could be here all day writing this post. Just know that I recognize God in all things and I thank him daily for all that is good in my life. The church is true, God lives, Jesus died for all of us so that we could return to live with them some day. Thomas S. Monsen is a true Prophet of God and I know that if we follow what he says, that we will all live a very successful life and gain more blessings than we could ever imagine. In the name if Jesus Christ Amen.
I wasnt planning on baring my Testimony, but there ya have it. I guess sometimes when you are typing, things just start to spill out. I hope I didnt get to personal here. Until next time.

My family is my rock

I have such an amazing husband. We have had it hard the past few months but we are getting back on our feet, slowly but surely. I am so thankful for the trials the Lord has put us through together. It has made us a better and stronger couple. Adam is my best friend and is always there to pick me up when I fall. I dont know what I would do without him, truely.

I am so grateful for my mom and step dad and all the love support and help they have given us in our time of need. They are amazing people and I love them with all my heart. We have put them through a lot and they still love us and try to support us in our decisions.

I have thought a lot about my son this past week and the life I have given him. I sure hope that I am raising him in a way that will help him in his life in the future. I sure dont know what I would do without that little man. He is such an amazing loving wonderful little boy and he makes me smile every day.

My father is so amazing and I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is always there for me to turn to when I need a listening ear. When I am having a rough day, I know that I can always call him and he will listen to me talk about my day, without a word, till I get everything out of my system. I know that by the time I am finished talking to him that I will always feel better. I may not always like what he has to say, but he always says things that I know will help me in my life, and for that I am grateful.

My brothers are amazing men and I love them very much. We havent always gotten along but I know that at the end of the day, they will always have my back and love me forever. I am especially grateful for my older brother, John. He has always been there for me and stood up for me when I needed some one. I love him more than he or anyone will ever know. I will forever be thanking him for always being there for me when I needed him.

I have the best family EVER! End of story.

2012

What a year this has been already. My husband was laid off from his job just before Christmas, and finally went back today. I am so grateful for answered prayers and faith. I just wish I could find a job now that would work around my sons school schedule. I know, I know. It is next to impossible to find one with that schedule. I can hope though, cant I? lol. Life is great and I couldn't ask for a better husband or son.

Thanksgiving 2011

Today is a bitter sweet day. Bitter cause my husband is having to work this week so he has missed out on family time with us today. I sure hope he knows we love him and that I am thinking of him today and always, and that I am so thankful and lucky to have him in my life. Life is so wonderful and I feel so blessed to be where I am today. Today is sweet because I have my two brothers visiting and my two nieces and my younger brothers girlfriend. Having them here is so great. I have such a hard time around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Its then, that I miss my family members who have passed on, the most.

Since I got put back on my pills, I have been feeling and doing so much better. I am also trying this new diet. I havent really seen results yet but it has only been two weeks so I am still hopeful. I know it works though, because I have seen it for myself, with others who have tried it. My weight has been an issue for me since I was 16 and nothing I have ever tried has helped and I most definately dont feel so great about myself. Im trying though.

My crazy life

I just got put on a new medication for my depression and it is so rough adjusting. I know that it will be better for me in the long run so I am trying to stick it out and get through the adjustment period. In the past, I would stop taking the medicine because it made me feel aweful, physically. I keep trying to tell myself that once i'm over that hump, my life with feel more worthwhile to me. I have such wonderful friends and family who are always there for me to talk to and help get me through my hard times. I would not know what to do without you all.

I was able to go get a new car a few days ago, with the help of my wonderful mother in law. She helps Adam and I so much and I love her dearly. I married into one of the most wonderful families I have ever had the chance to get to know. We all have had our fallings out but we were able to walk away closer as a family.

I have had a lot of fun hanging out with Cadon today. He is such a joy. I have so much fun with him, when he is not getting frustrated. I sure dont know how my life would be without that little man.

Tae Quan Do Tournament

Cadon had a Tae Quan Do tourny in Salina Utah today, and he did so amazing. He brought two first place trophies home. It was a very proud moment for both Cadon and mom and dad. It is so awesome to see Cadon excle in something he loves and enjoys doing.

Fun with friends

I was able to go with my dear friend Amber and her son Adam to Salt Lake City, to take Adam to the airport to fly out and see his dad, on Tuesday. We went to the Beehive House and then the Lion House for lunch. It was such an amazing experience. It is always wonderful to learn more history about the LDS religion, even tho I have been LDS my whole life. I hope to be able to go again sometime and take my family to experience the great Spirit you feel when you are there, and the history behind it all. I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I do not know where I would be in my life without the Savior by my side. Anyway, these thoughts just came into my mind and I felt like I needed to share.

Feeling unattractive

My depression has been really bad lately and I have been so down that I have not wanted to do anything. I have been hanging out with a really good friend for the last few days straight and I think that it has helped me keep my mind off of how I am feeling inside about myself. I have been struggling with my weight since I was 16, and it has taken a toll on my life, and now my relationship with my husband. He is so sweet, loving and understanding but it hurts him to see me beat myself up. Me being down on myself makes him not want to be around me and that hurts. I dont know what to do. I have tried all the diets and exercise out there and nothing works. I try eating right and not eating fatty foods or a lot of sugar and it is so frustrating not to see results. Anyone that has a special secret, please, feel free to let me in on it. :)

My Boys

The past two years have been two of the best years of my life. I met, fell in love with, and then married my best friend. The first few months had its ups and downs, but we made it through stronger, better, and closer as a couple and family. My mom has been such a wonderful help and support to us in our time of need. I dont know what I would have done without her. I feel that way about my entire life with my mother. She is amazing. My husband got a wonderful job a few months ago working for Mountain Homes Youth Ranch as a field counselor, and he enjoys it very much. Cadon and I are so lucky to have such an amazing father and husband in our lives. Cadon LOVES school this years. (Yeah) He has made new friends in our ward and plays with them as much as possible. He is such a joy to have in our home. He always knows what to say to me when I am having a bad day. He comes to me a lot and say how much he loves me and how glad he is that I am his mom. He is one special little boy and I wouldnt trade him for the world. Back to my husband, He has been one of the biggest blessings in mine and Cadon's lives. He is so wonderful to us and he TRUELY loves us for who we are and WANTS to take care of us. It is an amazing feeling, knowing you are unconditionally loved by someone. I never thought I would find a man like Adam to spend my life with. I never felt good enough for anyone. I never felt like I was worth loving, until Adam came into my life. He makes me feel so special and makes me feel like I am worth his love. I love where I am in my life right now and I wouldnt trade any of it for anything.